Sunday, April 22, 2012

Desire to Know Meets Desire NOT to Be Known

OR--  Boy Meets Girl

A common cause for dissonance or ruffled feathers is the conflict of intention and desire between a man desirous of personal contact with a particular woman and the woman’s desire for the fore-mentioned man to get lost.  This is less of a problem if both parties respect and understand the value of self-determination in themselves and others and how this translates into a desire to gain and/or maintain control of the personal life. If all concerned understand how the citizen (or other) hat or interface allows contact or interaction only regarding matters relevant to that hat or interface, then the assumption of this interface can be used at any time (by civilized people) to move away from and put a stop to any sort of undesired personal contact. This is a “backing off” of the attention from the personal aspect back to the impersonal, fully public interface. 

The “rejected” party should then, if he (or she) still feels a continuing affinity towards the party of the other part, transform this affinity into a respect for the self-determined assumption and furtherance of the citizen hat or interface by the party of the other part. There is no need to apologize for placing attention on the public interface as long as it is appropriate to the overall public scene that includes both parties. That is to say that undue attention should not be shown.  Keep in mind the purpose and goal of whatever hat or interface is being used (and that is appropriate to be used in that situation). Show only attention that is directly aligned with this purpose that will contribute to progress towards this goal. When you are operating outside of the area of personal interaction, then all decisions regarding which hat is appropriate and what action to take from that post viewpoint should be made from an objective viewpoint. There is little room for subjectivity beyond the personal life, and whatever room that does exist will be fully within an objective framework.

Men can make it safer for women to interact with them if they are educated in what a hat or post viewpoint is and have developed skill in working out what it would be in particular situations, then use it in those situations. Women can help to strengthen the civilization and maintain control of their personal lives by educating themselves in this and encouraging men to apply it by showing favor or preference to those who do.  Men may also find this helps them to recover more quickly and move on from a rejection of their advances.

Keep in mind also that even if a person has not been educated in this behavior, there is a good chance that they may have, somewhere in the past, a reservoir of good experience in which they did interact in this way with others.  There is a possibility that your good behavior can help contact such a reservoir of good experience in another, especially if it Is not buried too deeply.