Sunday, July 15, 2012

New Marriage Paradigm

The road to good life experience leads into and through use of and participation in dynamic, causative and effective groups as servo-mechanisms of the will of the individual towards achieving his chosen goals. See earlier blogs for more discussion on this.  A thorough understanding of this can easily be rolled into a  self-dedication towards improvement of self in this area. If your spouse has gotten to or can be gotten to such a point of self-determined understanding and self-dedication then it should not be difficult to get them to agree that:

1)      not everything in the area of groups is completely under control of a particular individual, but some things are.

2)      There is no excuse for allowing any such area of complete control to fail in any fundamental way.

3)      Any such fundamental failure in an area of complete control would severely compromise the individual's ability to gain good life experience as a group member, and so thwart, or limit to some degree his opportunity to gain good life experience and to grow as a spiritual being.

4)      Marriage and family are the fundamental groups to which a spouse belongs. The form of a group is defined by policy or agreements by all group members involved. A fundamental policy of the “marriage group” is being true to each other-- not cheating with another woman by the husband, or with another man by the wife. Maintaining agreement with this policy is completely under the control of the spouse. Since it is such a fundamental agreement of the marriage, and since the marriage is such a fundamental group, and since the spouse can always fully control it, it should be seen that any violation of it would have severe repercussions on the ability to face up to and participate in groups. It would severely “rock the boat” and destabilize the ability to face up to, agree with, support, maintain and carry out group policy in any context.

Well, if you can get the above points in with yourself and your spouse you can stop right here and be satisfied with having stabilized that part of your life within the context of the existing marriage paradigm. However, some of us have shown ourselves to have a pioneering spirit. Can this paradigm be improved upon? Possibly, but there must first be certainty on all sides that the above points are in.

For the “pioneer spirit” here is a proposed improved paradigm:

1)      The wife should be able to maintain full confidence that the other half is not cheating. This confidence would come from her knowledge of the husband's unwillingness to screw up his life further out in the area of groups by breaking such a fundamental agreement in the marriage, and by the fact that a hope of any such desired activity could exist until the moment of its (possible)  cancellation. She could maintain the security of her marriage by periodically checking that her spouse was still motivated by and making good progress on his purpose of group participation and  use and by maintaining the following points:

1.       Each spouse should be kept fully informed of any outside interest of the partner or towards the partner before the fact of action taken.

2.      Each spouse would have full veto power over any such wished for, proposed or planned activities.

3.       A man would never be forced to say “No” to an interested party (although, of course, he could still do so), but the interested party would be required to meet the wife in person, meet any of her requirements/conditions/stipulations before obtaining her consent or receiving her rejection.

4.      Any interested party would have to be willing to participate as a subordinate activity to the original marriage in a way that does not undermine its validity.

5.      The wife could veto before such a meeting but should not do so before hearing the details.

6.      If the meeting takes place the husband should be present.

7.      His loyalty should be primarily with his wife.

8.      He should be willing to and able to guarantee the physical safety of both parties. If there is any doubt regarding this he should reject the advance solely on this basis.

9.      The man should be completely willing to accept the decision of his spouse. He should value her security and her ability to control her life and view her decision as a way to maintain it.

10.  The wife might want to take into account that, since her gender has been lax in applying themselves as civilizing influences, other women may be experiencing that “good men are hard to find”. At the least, such a request should be a reminder that she has found one.

2)      The above points would apply in a mirrored fashion in the case of a wife having an outside interest with the husband as vetoer.

3)      This improved paradigm would “dissolve” into the traditional paradigm simply through both parties exercising continuous veto.

4)      In some cases and in some economic conditions child rearing might be managed easier with more than two “parents”.

5)      If the new paradigm can be directly “stepped out” from the conventional paradigm while maintaining and securing the base relationship then it will have a greater chance for success.

      Remember, the active ingredient required to make all of this work is a strong self-determined reach on the part of the spouse towards stronger groups to use as a servo-mechanism to achieve self-determined purposes and goals.